and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
