Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
