just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
