1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
as a side note pls kill me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
