You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
