i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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