Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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