Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
