we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
