My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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