if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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