I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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