Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
