Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
