Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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