If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
