I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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