ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
