im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
