I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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