Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
