just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
