Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
