Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
