see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
