the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
