You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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