Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
