I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
