The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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