remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
