Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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