Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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