I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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