U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
