Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
