i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
