cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
