I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
