Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
