she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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