I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
