Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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