I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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