Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
