i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
