I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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