I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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