I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
