AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
