i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
