is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
